You're The Man Buddha!

He loves me! I knew he did. I questioned so many times if my Buddha was real or an illusion. He's real. From the depths of my soul, Mario, thank you.

I woke up early this morning and felt free. I don't know why but it feels like the tie has been severed. He's gone, and for the first time I'm not sure if I'll ever hear from him again.

I thought about him all day yesterday, and it just wore me down. I was almost broken. I am no position to be in a relationship, not mentally anyway. I don't blame my Buddha for that, but I do blame it on life. Financially, not stable. When my car is paid off in two years I will be much.better off. By then I know where I will be permanently.

Which led me to another thought. If I saw Buddha during the summer, what would happen after? We plan to move back to Cali in September, but plans don't always go the way you'd like. I may end up staying here in New Mexico for a while. I may be in Washington with Mama. I wanna be with Mario but I just don't see it right now.

So what would it have been? A summer fling? I sure as hell would not be a booty call.  Could've been much like the first round, and when he split the first time I lost all sense of reality. My spirit was gone, I didn't give a fuck, my daughter saw me in a way she never should have. I was destroyed. Round two, I still remember in detail that pic he texted me. It's been a rollercoaster ever since, but it feels like the ride has finally ended.

Mario, I asked you to contact me within two days; you did. You said you would call or text in another two weeks; you did. I guess all I needed to know is if my Buddha loved me the way I always felt he did. I know what you said; I remember all our conversations. But you didn't have to say this. You proved it.

But you just had to text me "hello" didn't you? You always had me at me hello, and you still do. You're awesome.

I am gonna love you til my dying day. That will never change. You're right, we do great over the phone. I don't know if I could survive in your world; I don't know if you could last in mine. I am so screwed up and I need to fix this. Some days will be good, many I'm sure will suck big time. But you gave me my Buddha back. You are the man, baby.

And for now, I'm free!