Dream Warrior

"In the name of Lowreck, Prince of Elves, demon be gone!" I wish it were that easy- a simple spell and all this will go away.

I am going through the atonement, dragging my cross to my final resting place. It is a long, painstaking jouney. I'm tired, I have no fight left in me. My faith is dragging along like the crucifix I'm lugging behind me. I feel beaten and spit on. Just get there already. Heaven can wait; I can't. Eternal bliss? What's that? Happiness is foreign to me, written in a language it seems I will never understand. Depression kills.

I must be cursed, haunted by a demonic spirit. No one should feel this bad for this long. The dark cloud lingers over. It's too heavy, it's cold, it drains me. Silver lining? Nope, haven't seen it. Probably went that way, second star to the left and on til morning.

No word from Kitty, not a peep. I don't care. I must be the booty call. Call someone else, dude. I'm done. I may have been caught up for a minute, but that time has passed. I don't love you. I cared, but that time has passed too. Refer to the Third Rule of Fight Club.

Buddha is my haunting spirit, the demon that dwells within and all around. Demons are described in three ways according to Paul Dale Roberts who wrote of the six types of hauntings:

1. As being angelic, a being of beauty that will manipulate the person to commit something that is sinful or out of the ordinary (Check)

2. Horrific, evil-looking (Check. Sorry Buddha, I hate that pic- the demon pic, you know that one with the horns? Yeah, give me a minute and I'll rip them right outta your skull)

3. Black mist, black fog, black shadow, black smoke. Most demonic hauntings, occupants claim to be followed by black mist or black fog (Well I'd call that a no-brainer)

According to wikiHow there 15 steps to exorcising a demonic spirit:

1. Get connected to the Holy Spirit (Maybe I can google how to do that)

2. Humble yourself (CHECK!)

3. If you have never been baptized by your own personal choice (not as a baby), get baptized fully immersed in water in God's name as a public declaration in front of others (Uh, I gotta work on that)

4. Love others (refer back to the Forth Rule of Fight Club)

5. If you have the power of the Spirit of God living in you, and you know His Word, you are ready to proceed (I'm screwed)

6. Command the demon to be silent in the name of Jesus (I love you, Buddha)

7. If you are not sure that you do have the power of the Spirit living in you (Check), then instead of commanding the demons directly, it is much safer to ask Jesus to command the spirit to be silent, or leave (That should've been Part 2 of Step 5)

8. Using the demon's name(s) command him to leave the victim (by name) in the name of Jesus! (What if I really am my own worst enemy? Is there a protocol for that?)

Now for a brief intermission....

I went outside for a smoke. Damn, I seriously need to quit that habit. When your only pleasure in life is lighting up to a mentholated cancer stick filled with arsenic and nicotine, that's a problem.

A lady bug landed next to the front left tire of my chair. I stopped and stared at it and I thought "God is with me. He's listening." It flew away almost as fast as it came. I looked up and a butterfly flew over my head, rather close enogh that I would normally dodge it from touching me. I didn't move, and like the lady bug, it flew away as fast as it had come.

Lord... Dude, can you please give me a moment to wallow in my self-pity? Por favor. I would really appreciate it. Muchas gracias, in the name of the Son, the Ghost and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Where was I? Ah, yes...

9. Don't do this alone (How ironic, hence the lady bug and the butterfly, right?)

10. Begin to worship God (That should've been Step 1)

11. Boldly an out loud, lay you hands on everything that you wish to be sanctified and pray over those things (My heart, the demon picture, or both?)

12. If it seems that the demon came back or never left don't be fooled. (Elaborate) It is another demon trying to get you to doubt Jesus and be afraid (Check)

13. Be aware that if the person being freed does not give their life to Jesus, the evil spirits can return and bring their friends (That explains everything)

14. There are many entry points that give demons legal rights to enter or re-enter you (Elaborate please) False pride/arrogance, sex outside marriage, childhood sexual victimization, materialism, violence, violent martial arts, anger, theft, murder, abortion, addictions, lust, pornography, unholy entertainment, mysticism, channeling, Ouija boards, fortune telling, praying to nature or idols, horoscopes, psychics, seances, oaths, unrighteous words, self-hatred, judgement of others, greed, slander, resentment, sloth and unrighteous soul ties from ancestors. All of these can be washed clean with prayer (Let's see... One... Two... Three... Damn, 25! The childhood sexual victimization doesn't require forgiveness but I kinda figured that)

15. Remember that Jesus resisted the devil three times with the Word of God in Matthew 4:4, 7, 10

And so it is, the 15 Steps to Performing A Christian Exorcism as explained by wikiHow. Did I mention I'm Catholic?

My next Bing searches as powered by Google: how to remove a curse, love spells to capture his heart forever, how to be happy, curing depression, and what does a blinking yellow light mean on an 83 inch flat screen tv.

Fifth Rule of Fight Club: Nothing is what it seems